Would your husband rather watch the English Premier League soccer matches, play Angry Birds game or spend time on Facebook than be intimate with you? You are hot and he seems cold.
Sexual incompatibility is a normal and natural part of marriage given the unique differences and desires of each other. But sexual incompatibility can be diminished when you and your spouse work through the differences in desire and together build an intimate relationship. This is not just about the differences in the levels of sex drive but how you cope with this that really matters.
Sexual compatibility is a learned behaviour that can be developed and nurtured with time, effort and lots of practice within the unique relationship of marriage. Along the route to narrow the differences in sexual desire you need lots of patient and understanding from each other. Here are a few ways on getting your husband to have sex with you more often if you wish so.
(1) Resolve health issues
First of all rule out any health issues that may be preventing your husband from enjoying sex. Some ailments or certain prescription drugs may be responsible for his low sex drive. Seeking professional advice will help to pinpoint the cause and take measure to improve your husband's sexual health.
(2) Be more loving
His loss of interest in sex can make you feel rejected and hurt or even angers you. But if you approach him with this anger in your heart, you will be transmitting those feelings. Even if you do not say you are angry, he will still know. Even if sex is not all that important to him at the moment the fact that it has been such an issue between both of you is wearing him down and he is as upset as you. Find some compassion and take a deep breath before you talk to him.
The key is to make it easier for him to open up to discuss sexual issues and preferences and to make some potentially challenging personal adjustments to diminish the sexual incompatibilities between the both of you. This also requires accepting the fact that some degree of sexual incompatibility is inevitable in any relationship so that you can shift your energies from wallowing in it to proactively improving the situation.
(3) Do not make him feel pressured
It is important to choose the right time to talk to him or to ask him when he will prefer to talk. When you talk to him, you make sure that you do not let him have this feeling that his behaviour is the real problem, even though this is the fact. The aim is to get him to be less defensive.
One of the best ways is to begin your talk with the words 'I feel'. Talk about how you feel and avoid accusing, assuming, mind-reading or diagnosing your husband. You can say something like, "I feel hurt when you turn down my suggestions to see a doctor (or to go to the appointment with me to see a sex therapist)', or "I feel as if I am not important to you when you turn down my suggestions to see a doctor or to read a how-to sex guide with me. It is something I really like you to try even if you think the idea is stupid. It means a lot to me for us to work this out together."
Once you have set the tone for a collaborative, loving discussion, tell him that you realize that sex may be less important to him, but you are asking that he takes a step as a favour for you. Tell him why that would be such a good thing for you. You do not need to convince him into agreeing with you that your sex life is unsatisfying or both of you have a major problem. Just let him know that you are the happiest person in the world when he does one thing for you.
(4) Make the effort to turn him on
Knowing how to turn on a guy is about knowing how to stroke his little ego. If he feels sexy around you, he will also be a lot more turned on about you. If he has a sexy smile, let him know about it.
If you want to turn on your husband, you also need to become more desirable by revealing your wild side to him. Welcome him home in your sexy lingerie, or whisper your wildest thoughts in his ear. At times you can take control when in bed to show him your moves. This should be a win-win situation because through observing you, your husband will be able to learn a few moves to please you. Or you can let him take the lead first and initially you stay coy and then you break free like a wild horse and return his favour more passionately than him. This works best with passionate kisses and foreplay.
These tips are the necessary steps you need to take to increase the sexual connection and enjoyment in your marriage. This is an art which you have to master over time.
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