Getting
along with yourself first is the quality you need before getting along with
another. For how can you succeed in a relationship if you can’t manage yourself?
For many, what does it mean to get along with one’s self?
Disunity with
one’s self actually means self-conflict, negative self-talk and all the
emotions that accompany our self-esteem and how we view ourselves in comparison
to others. That in itself is a negative thought process in that we are unique
individuals who don't need to compare ourselves to others. Of course, we can
admire others and desire to emulate them in how they are perceived by other
people and how successful and happy they exude.
If your
life isn't all you'd like it to be you can reverse it and start on a path of
reflection and the goal of inner-peace.
Once you
have decided you're a nice person and who you are is pleasing to you, then
you're ready to be all you can to others. You can be a good partner or spouse. When you have learned how to manage yourself
and your emotions you can be effective at managing your relationship with
another.
Communicate
Well and your Life Will Flow Smoothly
Someone who
is not proficient at communication is much like a ship without a rudder. You
are not going to be able to steer your life in the direction you'd prefer to
go.
If you
can't verbalize your feelings and thoughts to another it makes it very
difficult for that person because they may sit and attempt to discuss a
conflict or challenge they are having with you, yet someone who is
non-communicative simply says, in their best interpretation of a 4-year old
child, "I don't know."
What does
that mean, "I don't know?"
If someone
is being difficult or seems angry with you and you're making an attempt to get
to the underlying problem, it's maddening to hear them respond to your queries
with, "I don't know."
To the
person trying very hard to open up the lines of communication it's like trying
to put you in a state of confusion. For the person who can only answer "I
don't know," Ask them again "Well, if you don't know, who does?"
When the
other person trying in vain to evoke some kind of emotion or answer from the
person who has no clue how to communicate it can be very frustrating. The
person who is "verbally challenged" would be well-advised to take a
course in communication or perhaps seek counselling of some kind to learn some
communication skills.
It's so
refreshing to have a discussion with someone who is clear, concise and knows
how to get their message across in a minute or less.
Of course
conversations among lovers can take hours and be very stimulating and
entertaining. When you're having a great conversation with someone, the time
seems to fly and you suddenly realize you've been talking for a long time but
it seemed like only minutes.
The
opposite end of the spectrum is conversing with someone who can't verbalize
feelings or emotions. A five-minute discussion can seem like days and can
create more stress while you wait what seems like an eternity for some kind of
response. You may do all your best to avoid those moments if you are in such a
relationship. Of what benefits are stressful moments!
Setting
Goals Together
Whether
it's goal-setting with a spouse or partner in respect to creating a smooth and
cohesive level of communication, it's very important because studies have shown
that cooperation and having the same goals helps any relationship survive the
ups and downs that are inevitable.
Always keep
in mind there is no such thing as perfection. As human beings we are in a
constant state of improvement on a personal level and that includes communication
in our relationships.
It is very
important that you feel comfortable in verbalizing what your specific desires
are in the relationship as well as listening and understanding the wants and
needs of the other person.
Take time
to compromise, be willing and open to change. Talking together and creating a
goal-setting plan shows you are interested and care about the other person's
needs for a fruitful and happy relationship, realizing both of you are
different yet willing to accept the differences in each other.
Improving
your Life in your Relationship
Care for
yourself by loving and respecting who you are inside and out. Be kind and give
yourself gifts of time to relax, unwind and even indulge yourself in meditation.
Take walks,
read interesting books, listen to music that makes you feel good
If you
begin to feel frustrated then you need to find out what is causing it and deal
with the root of the problem immediately. Controlling your emotions is not
taking care of the challenge. You need to solve the problem that is bringing up
feelings of frustration.
Be
Kind To Your Mind
Pay
attention to your 'self-talk,' and make sure it's not negative in nature.
Positive
self-talk is good, negative is self-defeating and no constructive.
Be
Present
The person
who is perceived as aloof and not 'present' in conversations may find it
difficult in communication. They never seem to really trust and once your
partner pick it up, they start avoiding you. Many people grew up with
abandonment issues from childhood and bring those issues into their adult lives.
They appear to their partners as controlling, angry, abusive and even
smothering, demanding attention to their needs at all times yet not seeming to
care about the feelings or needs of their partners.
It will
take work and patience but with time you can be the person you desire to be and
have a happy and a fruitful relationship
Once you
decide to receive helps in your relationship or marriage, you'll be shocked how
quickly they become magical.
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