By Barr Godson Nwachukwu
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| Is their chemistry between you? |
If a man refuses to
face these facts and marries a lady although he has reservations about her
looks, a distance will build between them with time. He will find her less and
less attractive. He will spend less time with her and be close to her only out
of duty. He will often find the sexual relationship with her boring. He'll tend to kiss her less and less,
and, with time, their relationship will become cold and formal; and if they
labour and grow in Christian character, the relationship will become one of a
brother and sister and not of a husband and wife.
Many Christian couples are living like brothers and
sisters and not as husbands and wives.
If that were all, it would not be a bad thing. It could become bad or even worse. They may become attracted to others whom they consider beautiful, and may fall into immorality in their thoughts and perhaps in actual deed.
It is not enough that your partner be beautiful in your eyes. You must find out whether or not your physical looks are pleasing to the person. Ask them to describe the physical appearance of the person they always thought should be their spouse. See if you resemble that person in any real way; do not press them to accept you to become their spouse. They may say, “Yes" to you and become your spouse, but all their lives, they will be looking for and yearning after that person whose appearance pleases them.
When a person wants someone with a particular physical appearance, he must bear in mind that this is a serious matter. He may adjust to some others or in the flash of moments of infatuation forget what he wants, but he will come to his senses and will want what he originally wanted. Jacob preferred Rachel from the beginning. Leah bore him many children, while Rachel was barren. But the fact is that he only tolerated Leah all his life.
Therefore, look carefully at yourself. Know what you want. Find out if you have the looks that other person wants.
One last word about physical appearance. Love, sex appeal, etc, are very closely tied up with physical appearance. You have the responsibility to labour and maintain that which is attractive in you; that which made them to like you in the beginning. If you were slim and now you're fat and massive, do you blame him for being cold towards you? If you were tall and slim and now you're huge and have a big stomach from undisciplined eating, do you blame her for being unresponsive to your advances?
So you will have to labour to keep what you had, and much can be done in this direction.
Finally, when you have carefully looked into these matters, you'll know whom to give yourself to and whom to receive. In God's eternal purpose, He has a partner whose looks will please you and who will be pleased and satisfied with your looks, as you labour to cooperate with God in making your physical appearance the best possible.
Barr Godson
Nwachukwu can be reached via email: kbarrgodson@yahoo.com
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