If you're a woman who has difficulty achieving orgasm, you're probably feeling both frustrated and slightly lacking in sexual self-esteem. After all, the one thing that you want to do is to be able to show your man that he is a good lover, and that he is able to satisfy you in bed.
Conversely, if you're a man in partnership with a woman who has difficulty reaching orgasm, you're probably feeling not good enough in bed, and have a low sexual self-esteem because you can't actually bring your partner to the point of her ultimate pleasure during the most intimate act of lovemaking.
Often lack of orgasm in a woman (sometimes called anorgasmia) is caused by sexual abuse during childhood, in which case professional help may be needed. But much more often it's simply a lack of the ability to relax into sex fully and open one's whole being to one's lover.
As you've probably guessed by now, the good thing about anorgasmia is that it's easy to overcome. You don't necessarily "need" to be orgasmic during sexual intercourse - indeed, very few women actually do reach climax during intercourse (probably no more than 10% and conceivably quite a lot less). But it is a very good and pleasurable thing to be able to reach orgasm.
The two main complaints from men and women are: the frustration caused by a woman's inability to reach orgasm; and the fact that men in general want sex more often than women do. So here's an interesting idea: if orgasm was more rewarding for a woman (which means the sexual experience would be more rewarding), and she could have orgasms more easily and more often, there would be a much lower disparity between men and women in their desire for sex, simply because sex would be so much more enjoyable for the female partner. The interesting thing is to know such things as the location of the G spot, how to stimulate the G spot, methods of clitoral stimulation that are satisfying for a woman.
So, for example, a good sexual intercourse would focus on the need for extensive foreplay since women have lower levels of testosterone than men and take longer to become sexually aroused. The idea of foreplay often seems to put men off, but it needn't - mutual caressing and kissing, intimate connection, and gentle eye gazing or conversation with your lover can lead to a deep feeling of connection which brings a couple much closer together and produces much more harmony in their relationship.
The only reason that men don't engage more fully in foreplay is that they feel an urge to achieve orgasm as soon as possible, even at the expense of their partner's satisfaction. By curbing the desire to have an orgasm as soon as possible, and by ensuring that the needs of the female partner for gentle stimulation are fully met, a man can ensure that when intercourse does occur it is much more rewarding for both partners, producing high arousal, more intense climax, and a greater feeling of fulfillment afterwards.
Of course 10 or 20 minutes of foreplay may ensure that a woman is much more likely to reach orgasm. This is where knowledge of a whole range of vaginal and clitoral stimulation techniques can be very useful.
It is obvious that a woman can be brought to orgasm by either internal vaginal stimulation on a particular area of tissue called the G spot or by external stimulation on the clitoris. It generally takes somewhat longer to bring a woman to orgasm with vaginal stimulation than with clitoral stimulation, but women who do experience vaginal orgasms report them as being more fulfilling and satisfying, almost as though the sexual energy was passing through the entire body rather than just through the pelvic region, and they also report that vaginal orgasms have a much deeper emotional component.
And for a man, sex after a vaginal orgasm is much more satisfying because the woman with whom he's making love is fully aroused - that is to say, her internal tissues are fully swollen, completely moist, and extremely warm. It's satisfying in the extreme for a man to enter a woman when she is at the highest possible peak of her own arousal, and this is achieved through vaginal orgasm. It's a perfect blend of physical and emotional satisfaction for both partners, which is why I regard it as essential for any couple who want to aspire to a good sex life.
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