Many people find themselves in this situation: they're in a relationship, they're unhappy, and they wonder if they should leave or stay. There is no doubt it is painful to think about having to start all over again, but it is also painful to consider staying in a relationship that has plenty of issues attached to it. So what do you do? To decide that, you have to determine which would hurt more, staying or leaving?
First, consider staying. What are the good parts of the relationship? Has the frequency of these good points deteriorated over time? Or have the total number of good points dwindled? All relationships settle, to a certain degree, over time. You just have to determine whether or not yours has deteriorated past a healthy level. Even areas that have dwindled can be revived as long as both sides are willing to put forth the effort.
You also have to be honest with yourself. Are you staying because you still see hope in the relationship working out or are you there only because you don't like the prospect of starting over? Even if you are biding your time until someone better comes along, it isn't fair to your partner.
Next, consider staying. What qualities does your partner have that you would miss? Are they still the same person they were when you first met them? Have you changed? If so, what caused the change? Was it because of something negative they did, or because you are weary of the relationship and where you believe it is heading? Be honest.
When making this decision, remember there usually isn't a clear-cut answer. Each decision will come with its own bad points. You have to determine whether or not the bad points are enough to warrant the change. Ending a relationship is never going to be easy. If they are, then there would be no need to ponder over it.
The last thing you want is to be uncertain. You have to certain of what you intend to do. Lives will be changed forever. There is no room here for guessing. The best rule of thumb is this: don't stay with someone because you can live with them: stay with them because you can't live without them. If you look at it from this particular perspective, then your decision will be much easier for you.
Are destructive emotions at the heart of the problems you are experiencing with your relationship? If so, maybe you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself. What are your beliefs about relationship problems and your part in them?
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