Anyone who's ever been in a long term relationship has seen how the flame of passion tends to fade over time. Even if you have a fantastic partner or wife, you usually only have a year or two max before "that can't-keep-your hands-off-each-other phase of your relationship" dies and you are stuck in a comfortable, but ultimately less than satisfying daily existence.
And nowhere does this reflect more than in our sex lives. Gone are the days of passionate sex-- no more greedily experimenting with new positions.
Those days are a memory. Sex today is routine, habitual, robotic, and boring. Oh sure, you still do it once or twice a week. But neither partner brings the kind of passion and enthusiasm to it that they used to.
How did we get here? More importantly, can we ever find our way back?
Well, we got here through bad habits and neglect. Can it be fixed? Absolutely.
And it's a lot easier than you think.
A large part of passion comes from excitement. Digging a little deeper, this excitement is mostly generated by three things: gratitude, hope, and mystery--gratitude that you finally found the kind of person who makes you happy, hope for the kind of future you've always dreamed of (one filled with fun new experiences and adventure) and the mystery of unwrapping your new partner like a Christmas gift and seeing what's inside.
And what happens in all of our relationship is that our idealized future eventually runs head on into reality and our gratitude fades. We run out of secrets to uncover about each other and we wake up every day knowing what to expect. Partners begin to take each other for granted. They stop trying too impress each other. The romance and passion fade.
Seems pretty hopeless, right? But it's not. Those 3 excitement building emotions are like matches. Strike them against the right surface and you've got your flame back.
Gratitude If you're being honest, you probably don't try nearly to romance your partner as you did when you first started dating. And the reason is that, like most of us do in long term relationships, you've started taking her for granted.
Gratitude is contagious. If you want to put the romance back into your marriage, the first thing you need to do is start seeing your wife or partner as you used to, and then act upon it.
You don't have to do anything extravagant like buy your woman an expensive jewelry. The secret to romance is making it a daily occurrence. All the small gestures you make will always add up to more than their sum.
Small gestures can be anything from giving an unasked foot rub to bringing your woman a bowl of her favorite ice cream when you come back from fridge may be with a fruit for yourself.
Even more important, though, are your words. More than anything, your woman wants to feel special again. And nothing makes her feel more special than you noticing positive things about her and commenting on them.
Do you like her dress? Tell her how sexy she looks in it. Were you impressed with how she handled herself in a tough situation? Let her know. Think she's a great mother? Thank her for it.
Life has a way of draining our enthusiasm. The older we get the less we expect.
If you're stuck in a rut with your partner, the best way to regain your hopefulness is to plan for your future together. Start a conversation and reconnect today.
Is there a dream vacation you can plan together? Do either of you have unrealized career goals? Are you getting near retirement? What fun things can you do together with your extra time?
Planning together for a better tomorrow makes TODAY become more interesting and exciting.
Nothing beats a nice surprise, even if it's a small one. If you start doing little, unexpected things like meeting her for lunch on your work break or planning a surprise weekend getaway, she'll start spending part of her day wondering what new thing you have planned next.
Gift giving and other thoughtful acts have 10x the impact when they're spontaneous and unforced. This is why your obligatory flowers at Valentine's Day will earn you NOTHING while a single flower on a random day will earn you the world.
People tend to underestimate how much their own actions determine how their spouse or partner responds to them. If you want to rekindle the romance in your relationship, start today with no thought of immediate gratification. Keep at it and you'll see the change in your partner.
No comments:
Post a Comment