WORDS THAT SHOULD BE DROPPED IN MARRIAGE... (2)

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By Chukwuneta Obiageli

Chukwuneta Obiageli

She is what the Lagos based tabloids call a SOCIETY WOMAN, the type that clichés like ‘most society shindigs are incomplete without her in attendance, rumoured to have dated WHO IS WHO IN NIGERIA’.

So this particular caption of her gist (on the front page of a tabloid) screamed ALL MY MARRIED FRIENDS WISH THEY WERE ME or something of that nature. I didn’t doubt that claim for one minute because I have since realised that a lot of the problems that arise in some marriages is as a result of people WISHING TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE …rather than making efforts to work on their REALITY.

This brings me to the next WORDS THAT SHOULD BE DROPPED IN MARRIAGE…I wish I were him/her. Nobody who understands life would fail to understand that NOBODY’S situation is all rosy. As bad as you think your reality is-the sun is still shining on some part of your life. People just play up the ROSY side of their stories and you are immediately dying to be like them. Once this mindset of always ‘wanting to be someone else’ permeates your being…the collapse of your marriage/relationship is imminent, because nothing in your marriage/relationship will ever be GOOD ENOUGH (for you) again.

I am weary of people who perpetually want to be this person or that person, more than they are eager to work on who they are or what they have. Such human beings are never stable. They are usually caught unawares…and that explains why that HAPPENING FRIEND they envy ends up: sleeping with/snatching their spouse(right under their nose) or luring them into all sorts-only for them to realise(often late) that the HAPPENING LIFE STYLE is all a facade…your HAPPENING FRIEND has always wanted what you have. Women are very good in this kind of DECEIT! Her jumping from one man to another is not really because she enjoys it, she seeks what you have…a stable relationship. She just has not been able to find that ‘stability’ in the arms of any of her numerous men. But rather than appreciate what you have, you are busy envying her ‘freedom’. Perhaps you should beg her to tell you a bit about the LONELINESS of associating with so many men but none to call your own. Trust MOST MEN… when the ‘fun’ is over…everybody crawls back home!

Your HAPPENING FRIEND sounds all SUPER WOMAN,NO NONSENSE, GUN SMOKING(against the male specie) when unhooked but becomes an ABSOLUTE MUMU(and not the wise one again) the moment a man looks her way. In fact, she will be the first to cut ties with her unmarried and CONFUSED MARRIED friends. You had also be shocked she seems armed with some ideas on how to keep a home. Yet, she has always carried on as if ‘keeping a man’ is simply not in her DNA.

A wise person draws a line between what works for her and what does not and gets down to working around his/her REALITY. Don’t use another’s CLAIM as a yard stick for measuring HOW WELL YOU ARE DOING…you are two different individuals. And beware of folks who end up making you feel LOST. Go where you are challenged to IMPROVE YOURSELF, BECOME A BETTER YOU and NOT where you have to live a lie…TO BELONG.