By Azuka Onwuka
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This could be described as loneliness in marriage; trying to
avoid each other!
|
The
easiest time to prevent a divorce or an unhappy marriage is before marriage,
not after. There is no gainsaying that love can have such a drunken effect on
the about-to-wed that clear danger signals become unimportant to them, while
hope becomes the only commodity. After all, is it not said that love conquers
all? Great! But what type of love is meant there?
There
are traits that some people cannot drop. It is like hoping that a right-handed
spouse will one day become left-handed: a classical case of waiting for "Godot"!
If
you are looking for a wife or a husband, please be wary of these groups of
people.
Those
who can never say, “sorry”
They
would hurt you, annoy you, disappoint you, but would never apologise, because
they believe that it would belittle and demean them. When you are wrong, you
apologise to them, and when you are right, you still apologise to them, hoping
that that they would change. But they never do. You start to feel irritated and
agitated. The love and respect you felt for them start to wear away.
Those
who can never say, “Thank you”
Whatever
you do for them, they are never grateful. “Why should I say, ‘Thank you’ when
you are just doing your duty?” Some would say that their gratitude is in their
heart. Do you have to open a heart to see the gratitude and get it? Such an
attitude causes irritation and frustration and unhappiness.
Such
people also believe the world owes them a lot. They go around their activities
with an entitlement mentality. They are difficult to please.
Those
who have excessive libido or inadequate libido
Sexual
intercourse is a very important factor in marriage, but when you have a spouse
that needs it for breakfast, lunch and supper; it is difficult to have any
peace in the family. Infidelity also knocks on door. On the other hand, when
you have a spouse that hates sex or thinks that sex should only be had once a
year during the wedding anniversary or birthday celebration, there is also
trouble in the house, and infidelity is usually a challenge.
Men
who think women are to be seen but not heard
Some
men still live in the 18th century, in spite of the depth of education they
profess. It is true that marriage is not a zone for feminist crusade, but if a
man has archaic views about women, then, please avoid him like an Ebola
patient. Watch out for statements like: “How can an ordinary woman want to be
the CEO?” “How can a woman chat with men?”
Women
who believe they don’t need men in their lives
Such
women believe that they are self-sufficient in all things. They have the
I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude. Men feel ill at ease when they are with women who
don’t allow a room in their lives for a man to fill. Such women find it
difficult to express love. They fly into quarrels easily. This creates
frustration and conflicts.
Men
who are looking for housemaids, not wives
These
are men who still live in the 15th century. They have an archaic idea of what
the role of wives is. They believe that women are only meant to cook, clean the
house, bear children, and serve the men.
They
believe that when the men talk, women must just obey. The man can keep mistresses,
but the woman should keep quiet and not even be seen greeting a man. A woman
should not work, should not step out of the house, and should not complain
whatever the man doles out to her.
Those
who can never trust anybody
These
are those who believe that everybody is a dangerous enemy that has evil designs
against them. They have an obsession with fear of people, including their
spouse, that it is irritating. Once a spouse cannot be trusted, there can never
be joy in the family.
Those
who have no respect for others
People
can mouth love, but without respect, that marriage can never be happy. Women
who love to prove a point by insulting their husbands, or men who believe in
treating their wives without dignity in the name of cutting their wives to
size: such people make terrible marriage partners.
Women
who see all men as competition that must not be given an inch
Marriage
is not a place for activism. A woman who sees a man as a competitor rather than
a complement is a dangerous person to marry. When a man has to contend with a
woman every minute, when a man is always too conscious of what to say or do to
his wife, then there is problem.
Those
who can’t control their temper
Hot-tempered
people are dangerous. They can utter anything in anger. They can do things that
they will regret for life. They can be violent. Their words can be venomous.
They can put you in trouble.
Those
who cannot forgive
Forgiveness
makes us look superhuman. But there are those who cannot forgive, no matter the
circumstances. Not only can they not forgive, they can also not forget. Because
they can’t forgive, they usually think of how to get revenge.
Those
who have not been weaned by their parents
Age
has little to do with maturity in marriage. Those who have not been “weaned” by
their parents make poor marriage partners. They are full of “Mummy said”,
“Daddy said”. They take every family discussion to their parents. They cannot
do anything unless their parents approve. They allow their parents to run their
homes in the name of showing respect to the mother-in-law or father-in-law.
Those
who are tied to the apron strings of their parents make marriage tasteless.
Such spouses are as a constant source of frustration and sadness. You will
always be wrong. You will always be vilified.
In
summary, marriage is not a bed of roses. There is nobody without some faults or
idiosyncrasies. But it is foolhardy to walk into a landmine with one’s eyes
open, praying and hoping that the explosive would not go off.
To
avoid heartache, neither blind love nor desperation to get married should push
a bachelor or spinster to jump into a marriage with someone that will cause
nothing but pain, sadness, and sorrow.
Admin’s note:
Do you agree with him? Or is love unconditional? Or are there subjects to take
away from the list?
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