The Difference Between Having Sex and Making Love

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Personally I like the fact that you can have sex or make love depending on your circumstances and how you feel. I don't believe for one minute that being completely in love with your partner automatically puts you into the 'love making' bracket every time you have sex. It's not that easy.

Some people would argue and say that 'making love' is just a polite way of saying 'sex' - both acts involve the same physical contact and both acts work towards the same outcome. That may be so, but there are huge differences between the two and to be honest, until you truly make love you may always think they're the same. So, in order to appreciate and experience the art of true love you must first understand the needs and desires of your own body.

Here's why...

Sex can be superficial whether you're male or female - a means to an end to help satisfy a sexual urge. For some it can be unromantic and quick; regular activity every Friday or Saturday night. For others it can be exciting, naughty and extremely horny; depending on whom you're with and how you feel. However, making love is completely different, it is almost impossible to make love to a stranger (unless you're one of the lucky ones). But, remember making love is all about understanding - understanding your own needs and that of your lover. So before you can tell someone exactly what it is you enjoy sexually, you must embark on a journey of self-discovery. 

So what's the difference?

Sex can be experienced with casual partners or one night stand. It can be experienced with a stranger, a prostitute or during an affair. It's what you have at the start of a new relationship and often in a long-term relationship. There are no set rules.

In casual sex you throw all inhibitions out of the window and put your own desires first. Sex with a regular partner or lover helps to build self-confidence as you experiment with techniques, role play. If you embark on an affair, provided both parties agree that it's just 'sex', the relationship can last over a period of time and you can enjoy some fantastic raunchy sex. It's when it becomes more than just 'sex' and strong emotions start to become involved that complications arise.

So what about sex in a marriage?

Sex is crucial in a marriage if you want to keep the marriage alive. It plays a huge part in its success. It can be the difference between looking outside of the marriage for sexual satisfaction and not. Too often though, life takes over and before you know it, you stop making love. Your only romantic liaison may be a quick romp under the bed covers on a Friday night with the lights turned off. Sound familiar?

Remember, making love is far more unique than having sex. Anyone can have sex, but not everyone can make love.

So how will you know?

You will know when you have experienced true love for the first time; no amount of reading or explanation will be able to tell you exactly at what point this will happen. But making love is usually slower, softer and much more intimate than sex; there is no race towards the finishing line. Your full attention and focus is centred on each other's needs and desires. There are no barriers, no shyness and no holding back. The passion is raw yet you are completely at ease in each other's arms as you slowly build to intense, knee trembling orgasms. You are on an emotional high and the feeling of euphoria is second to none.

So, yes some would say that making love is just like sex; physical, fun and passionate, but without a true understanding of each other's sexual needs you cannot make love and unless both parties feel the same towards each other, you cannot make love. However, I believe that you can be in a long-term relationship, or just madly in love and still enjoy both with your partner and let's be honest, if you can have sex and make love with your partner, then consider yourself very lucky indeed.

If you can't, try harder!