Some people expect that all they need to do is touch their partner and sex will automatically follow. Indeed that is often the difference between sex and making love. Sex can become the perfunctory act of letting off sexual steam but doesn't really make the other person feel closer or valued. It may not feel especially loving.
Both men and women can feel used in these situations. I know of several men who feel that their partner uses them just for sex. They have become a sex buddy and whilst that may have seemed great at first, indeed their friends may be envious of their no-strings sexual relationship, they themselves have started to feel dirty and resentful of the situation.
Let's look at the deal with foreplay.
- It builds rapport between a couple. Getting to know each others' bodies, enjoying touching, tasting, smelling, and enjoying the responses as they share intimacy is an important way of becoming more familiar and more sexually compatible with each other. It also improves confidence in other areas, as foreplay can be a precursor to becoming more relaxed and chatting, discussing areas that need to be addressed.
- Spending time with each other is important. Often in a busy life the only really personal time a couple spend together may be in the privacy of their bedroom. Some people are so tired that when they eventually get into bed the thought of sex may be exhausting. Time spent being intimate and sexy without being sexual can be special, fun, relaxing time.
On occasion a cuddle or a little intimacy may be all that is wanted. Learning to enjoy foreplay in its own right is important. Enjoying the appetizers before the main course is sometimes more than sufficient.
- It provides reassurance. When a couple are stressed and too tired for sex, foreplay can provide closeness and contact, the reassurance that they are still attractive and fancied by their partner. If one person does not want sex, foreplay can maintain intimacy between the couple. It is also a good way to alleviate tension and stress and can help a couple relax and sleep better.
- It can improve the quality of the sexual act. Learning new ways of pleasuring each other, being adventurous and trying different things, taking time with making love allows the experience to last longer and become more exciting. It provides an opportunity to practice, discuss and introduce different ways of enjoying the sexual experience together.
- Not all foreplay has to be in bed. Some people enjoy teasing, flirting, suggestively tantalising each other away from the bedroom. Flirting in public can be an exciting way of demonstrating that you still find each other attractive. And it can make the recipient feel special about themselves and confident in the relationship.
Foreplay can be a sexy way of playing, demonstrating that you fancy each other, find each other attractive. It can be a precursor to making love or, on occasion be enough on its own. Either way, foreplay is an important way of communicating and enhancing your relationship.
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