Ever wonder how some couples can be married for 50, 60 or even 70 years? Did they just luck up and find the perfect mate? While they are fortunate to have found their soul mate, luck may really have nothing to do with it.
Firstly, it starts with commitment. They are committed to getting through any crisis and in understanding each other. They are committed to doing for their partner without having to ask for anything in return because it is automatically reciprocated.
The next "c" word is communication. So, the most important requirements for a lasting relationship are commitment and communication.
We have all heard about how important communication is, but have you ever really thought about how important it really is? When you think about it, communication affects every aspect of the relationship... literally. The way we
talk things out, or don't talk them out,
how we react to something, or don't react to it,
how we know to ask when we feel something isn't right.
They all signify the importance of communication.
The power of communication signifies the success (just as the lack of it signals the failure), of most relationships. Think about everything that can be communicated in a relationship:
money
anxiety
fear
passion
trust
deception
emotions
work
security
control,
and so many others.
Without communication, each one of these areas can eventually be the downfall of a relationship, especially if it is left to build to a dramatic and catastrophic level. Problems that could be easily resolved with simple communication can be left to evolve into major deals if they are not spoken of when they should be.
But opening up isn't the only part of communicating: it also comes down to how you communicate.
You have to know how to effectively communicate your feelings, with "effectively" being the operative word. Ranting and raving, screaming and yelling are all forms of communication. They just are not what you call productive ones.
Couples who have been married for many years will tell you if you don't know how to communicate correctly, you won't make it. You have to know:
when to talk,
how to talk,
how much to talk, and most importantly,
when to shut up.
Voicing your opinion is one thing: constantly complaining is another. Give your partner a chance to communicate as well. You partner need to be able to express themselves clearly know they have been heard.
Which brings us to the last vital part of communication: listening. Active listening is essential to a loving relationship. Listening is a way to show respect to and for the other person.
Learn about yourself. Are you able to be generous with your communication style? Are you a good listener? Or are there destructive emotions at the heart of the problems you are experiencing with your communication. If so, you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself... your beliefs.
No comments:
Post a Comment