If
you've got a history of being in abusive relationships, you may worry that
you're destined to have pain for the rest of your life in one bad relationship
after another. However, let me assure you that you can indeed change the
results you are getting so that you avoid entering into another relationship
that is unhealthy.
But
you are going to have to start thinking differently and making different
choices. Here are five powerful techniques to get you started on the right
path:
1.
Every day, several times throughout the day, repeat an affirmation that is
simple to remember and positive in its message. An example is, "I commit to
being in healthy relationship” Write it on slips of paper that you post
wherever you will see the affirmation frequently, such as on your fridge, next
to the bathroom sink, on your desk at work, in your wallet. If privacy is an
issue for you, keep it in your pocket, but be sure to read it often. Positive
affirmations, if used consistently and persistently, will retrain your thinking
and empower you to attract the right person
2.
Meditate every day for 15 minutes. If you've never tried meditation, you may
have the image of someone sitting in a painful-looking position, eyes closed
and humming a chant. Meditation is actually a much simpler process that anyone,
even a child, can learn and master. It simply means getting quiet within you.
You can even do this at your desk for 5-minute refresher breaks, but 15 minutes
seems to be the optimum amount of time to see the best benefits from
meditation. While meditating, thoughts will pop up. They may be random such as
a reminder that you need to buy provisions at the super market or worries about
problems you feel are overwhelming. No matter the nature of the thought,
dismiss it gently and keep your focus on breathing calmly. This quiet time of
meditation allows your mind freedom to stretch into the realm of solutions
instead of being stuck in fretting over the relationships that have brought you
pain and the fear that you will never find love. Breathe slowly, deeply,
calmly. It usually helps to close your eyes softly to reduce distractions.
3.
Cultivate healthy friendships. If the abusive relationship kept you isolated,
which is frequently the case, you may feel there is an absence of friends you
can trust. So the challenge is to find those new friends to have a mutually
supportive relationship with. Places you can look for friends include your work
place, your place of worship if you have that in your life, and meet up groups.
You can also check online to meet friends with common interest, cross check
their reality and mingle in real life (Don’t be afraid to meet someone you come
across online. Some may be fake and bad, no doubt. There are good ones too; you
may also meet a wonderful person! Just conduct a reality check and connect). You
will see there are many categories of groups, and there's bound to be one or
more that you are interested in such as hobbyists, sports enthusiasts etc.
Don't just sit at home and complain you have no friends. They are out there
right now, wishing they had a friend just like you. Attract them to you by
being the kind of friend you want them to be to you. Practice now being a
loving and kind person. You can express that even with strangers you meet, such
as smiling at the next person in line at the ATM, or saying a few friendly
words to the mall cashier. Allow love to flow through you. It's safe now. I
know it didn't feel safe to express love in the abusive relationship, because
being vulnerable always brought more pain, but you need to heal from that and
allow love to do that healing as it flows from the Universal Spirit through you
and out to others in your life.
4.
Drop your hyper vigilance. What does it mean to be hyper vigilant? You might
not have even known it's got a name, but it's what "victims" in an
abusive relationship start doing as they stay longer and longer with the abuser
and try to cope. It means being on guard constantly, watching every move he
makes, and weighing every word he says, waiting for the next outburst and
trying desperately to head it off. It also means that you take offense in a
knee-jerk reaction to even harmless comments. If you hold on to your old hyper
vigilant reactionary mode, when you're talking to a potential new date or new
friend, you'll be watching them like a hawk and ready to pounce on the tiniest
joke as being evidence of abuse. Learn more about healing from your abusive
past so that you can indeed relegate it to the past and not keep the wounds
open and oozing. Ugly image, isn't it? And yet that pain is what so many people
stay stuck in. Even after the abusive relationship has ended, they continue
thinking and talking about all the pain they experienced, keeping it alive in
the present as if it's still happening. I urge you to allow your old hyper
vigilant reactions to die along with the dead relationship.
5.
Write a vision statement, describing the perfect relationship you would like to
attract into your life. Write it in the present tense as if it is already true
in your life and you are so happy and grateful that this wonderful person loves
you just as you love them, and your happy life together is simply fabulous in
every way. Read the vision statement at least once a day. If possible, record
it and listen to your own voice telling this dream as if it is already real.
Imagine how you will feel, and involve all your senses in this vision of the
love relationship you want to experience. You can do this by visualizing that,
for example, you are at a fruit market selecting a melon together and then you
go home and cut into it- smell it, taste it, feed bites of it to each other,
laugh as the melon juice drips down your chin, lean in and kiss. Did you get a
movie image in your head from that description? Could you see yourself laughing
and eating a juicy watermelon or apple with a wonderful love mate? Get very
specific about the kind of person you want to attract into your life. By the
way, be sure to avoid saying the things you "don't" want him or her
to be like. For instance avoid phrases in your vision statement such as,
"My soul mate never yells at me or makes me feel inferior." Instead,
since that painful experience is one you really want to avoid recreating in
your new relationship, flip that statement to its positive side and include statements
in your vision like, "My soul mate is loving, kind, caring and
affectionate and we enjoy quality time together."
Now
that you have better idea of how to avoid an abusive relationship, I hope you
will dismiss any worries that you will inadvertently land in, again. The truth
is, the way the universal Law of Attraction works, if you focus your attention
on attracting a healthy, loving relationship into your life, you cannot attract
the abusive kind ever again. Abusive relationship operates on a lower
frequency, and if you follow the tips above, you will be living on a higher
frequency in this world of ours, a spiritual and emotional frequency where love
resides. And that's a promise.
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