When a
breakup occurs, there are usually so many questions that go through our minds.
One common issue is whether or not to blame ourselves for part, or all of the
reasons behind the dissolved relationship. But an even bigger issue involves
the residual effects of what occurred during the ended relationship. These
nagging questions can raise concerns and doubts about who we are, and what we
have to bring to the next relationship.
It is sad
the amount of time and energy that was invested in the past relationship is
gone, but the focus shouldn't really be on what was lost, but more about what
was gained. Did you learn anything from the experience? Bad experiences are
made even worse when we fail to learn what made them "bad" in the
first place.
There were
obviously problems so the important thing to do is to work out how you could
have done things differently and file the new knowledge under
"experience". This will prevent you from repeating "bad"
history.
One
of the worst things you can do is beat yourself up over it. Even if the blame lies solely with you, it's still all in the
past. Learn from your mistakes and let it go. Carrying around guilt and regret
isn't going to help you at all and it certainly isn't going to make you
appealing to other singles. All it will do is foul up your mood and your
outlook.
Another
mistake to avoid is to try to take this on alone. This is a perfect example of why you need the love and support of
your family and friends. They might not necessarily need to sit you down for
advice, but just knowing they are there to listen speaks volumes.
You
also need to keep yourself busy. Sitting
in a quiet room reflecting is damaging. This will bring about depression,
anxiety, and more guilt and regret. Keep yourself occupied with activities.
Take up a new hobby or pursue an old one. Learn something new to keep your mind
fresh and to help you to challenge your thinking. If you sit around doing
nothing it allows the opportunity for you to feel sorry for yourself.
Above all
else, remember recovering from a relationship breakup takes time. It takes time
to heal and it takes time to rebuild. Give yourself the appropriate amount of
time before you dive back into the dating world. If you pay close enough
attention to yourself, you'll know when you're ready.
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