Being part
of a couple seems natural, so when we find ourselves dumped, left on the shelf
or just feeling a bit sad and lonely, the first thing we do is go out and look
for a new mate. Okay, so maybe the men are first in the queue in that game, but
gregarious is what we do as a specie and in our fast-paced and up-to-the-minute
lives, we often don't want to spend hours down at the local joint eyeing-up the
usual suspects.
Online
dating makes everything so much easier and in a few clicks we can be in touch
with beautiful people from all over the planet. There's a whole lot of
difference however, between chatting up the guys and girls down at some meeting
points and the virtual world of online dating.
The
Internet makes connecting with other people astonishingly easy. Naturally
enough we look for what we want: we gaze at the photos, the colours, the eyes,
the hair, the body, the wry smile, and in doing so, we sometimes leave our
sensible heads at the door. After all, if something looks nice, then it
probably is nice,
right?
The trouble
is, while we seem to spend a huge part of our lives conversing with other
people, it's usually the visual signs and signals that tick our boxes. When we
meet someone new, if they're attractive, smiling, we're hooked! It doesn’t
matter if this vision of loveliness will match with reality. Of course, we'll
probably discover all that stuff later, but by then we've wasted a lot of time,
energy and (sometimes) money. So wouldn't it be great if we knew all those
things beforehand?
As we
search the web for those perfect lovers, prospective partners, friends or just
someone to connect with, it's incredibly easy to send a wink,
scribble a quick email, or add them to our favourites,
but what happens when the other person replies? What do we do then?
Unfortunately, this is the point where we may well be in danger of landing
ourselves with not one, but two completely different relationships. The
connections we create with someone over the Internet in the privacy of our own
home may turn out to be very different to the real person who emerges when we eventually
meet our virtual mate. So what is it about Internet dating that makes the
transition from online to reality so problematic?
There's no
straightforward solution to this conundrum, but there are a few things we can
do to help prevent this situation happening in the first place:
Keep
it short. The time scale from the first point of contact
(wink, email or whatever) to when you first meet, should be as short as
possible. This keeps you focused on meeting, rather than spending time creating
virtual images of each other that are several light years removed from reality.
If you're both interested in meeting, make a date and stick to it.
Tell
the truth. If you lie about anything, especially something
significant, there'll come a time when you'll think you're in a TV soap opera
and everyone knows about your sordid secrets except the love of your life.
Obviously, there may be things you don't want to discuss on a first date, but
if it's important, don't leave it too long. If this person is really the one
for you, they'll understand.
Read
well between the lines. It's easy to read all
sorts of things into what people write in emails and in chat rooms, and it's
also easy to misinterpret what they're saying, so be careful about what you
write and if you're not sure about something your prospective date has said -
ask for clarification.
See
me, hear me. Video give you a much clearer idea of who this
person is - what they sound like, the language they use and the way they move.
It could also avoid awkwardness later on.
No comments:
Post a Comment